Understanding my why

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On 17th October 2017, I set myself the challenge that I would finally, for once and for all, learn Ludovico Einaudi’s piece ‘Una Mattina’ which I set out to do last year but didn’t quite get to as I hadn’t made it high enough a priority in my life. With the benefit of hindsight, I also realise that I wasn’t fully in tune (no pun intended) with what my reasons for this goal were either, hence why I found it so difficult to make it a priority because I didn’t realise it’s importance.
And so the challenge I set myself this time was that not only would I learn the piece, but I would set myself a deadline to perform it.
Performance location: St. Pancras International station on one of the pianos they have plonked in the middle of the parade of stores. Why? Because I’ve never performed in front of anyone before apart from the examiners for my graded exams and I want to be able to create another level of freedom for myself feeling through the fears I have associated to people hearing me play and I want to share something that is so important to me with my world.
Performance date: originally 19th Jan 2018 (allowing me 3 months to learn it) this is now TBC but the performance is imminent – watch this space!
My additional reasons for setting this challenge? Well in my exact words from a session with my awesome coach David Saville
“To me playing the piano means: connection, creation, love, joy, creativity, beauty – a lot of beauty. Connection with myself, connection with the instrument, connection with spirit. Above all, connection.”
To which David asked, “You can get those in many ways, why is this important?”
Me: “I think it’s the sheer beauty of it. There’s something about being sat down at the piano, it’s just you and me. This living, breathing thing in front of me and us just doing this thing together. And the sounds that come out, especially when you do get it right, it’s the most exciting feeling in the world. And to me this instrument just loves you, unconditionally. It wants you to express yourself. It wants you to express yourself in all your glory and it’s there, it’s open, it’s just willing for you to be able to do that through it. And I think it’s one of the most beautiful types of love that something can allow you to express and share.
David: “As you consider the next 3 months, what do you see?”
Me: “It’s exciting! There’s almost a sense and feeling of lightness. What I like about playing the piano and being in that space is that it’s my space, it’s my own little cocoon. Apart from the piano, there’s nothing else that I need or desire in that moment. It’s just me and that instrument and that’s really beautiful. And that fills me with such a sense of lightness. And to be able to create a similar sense of the emotional connection I feel when I intently listen to music by playing it myself, well that feels very magical.”
And what are my other reasons…
a) playing the piano means the world to me, it’s another expression of who I am, it truly helps me feel grounded, connected, inspired and expressed;
b) by the age of 27 I only reached a very rusty Grade 3 and I felt like learning a Grade 5/6 piece after 6 years of not having played a note, made a lot of sense(!) Welcome to my world!
c) I wondered what was possible for me inside of setting myself this kind of challenge.
And so today is 8th Feb 2018 – I finally know the whole piece! Such an achievement for me! And it actually sounds like music – another massive achievement! I actually connect with it when I play – another achievement!
This whole experience has taught me so much. Some of which I will share over the coming weeks but my reason for sharing this with you today is to make the challenge I’ve set myself public and feel into all of the emotions and feelings that come up as a result of doing so. And to share the importance of how powerful not just knowing but understanding our why can be the one of the single most important factors in determining our success with whatever we want to create in our lives.
As I reconnect with my why here today, it’s incredibly powerful, especially after two days of very frustrating practice sessions where it felt like the piece was coming apart. I’ve now realigned with why this journey is so important to me.
I had the choice last week as to whether I wanted to carry on learning the piano after completing this piece. Initially I thought I would stop as it felt like I wouldn’t have the capacity at this point to give it my full attention. But knowing and understanding why it means so much to me and having been on this journey since October, I have decided to carry on playing with a wholehearted YES! It’s just too important to me to stop.

With Love, Light & Miracles xxx



Photo by Louis Smith on Unsplash

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