How *not* to be coached

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“I love dance and I still do, but it’s hard having your body critiqued constantly”…

“I found a problem that I did not think would be a problem and that’s my face”…

“Everybody to me looks like beautiful, long-haired dancers, like how you’re supposed to look and I do not emulate that at all”…

These are just a few of the comments some of the ladies made in this video as a result of being “coached” and “mentored” by an apparent dance professional. As a result of his feedback, the comments above are some of the feelings these ladies were left with as a result of his observations.

So much of this video angered me. These ladies were all pushing themselves beyond their comfort zones to not become professionals but to experience training like professional dancers. But what this part of their experience showed is the type of deconstruction and devaluing people in all aspects of society experience as a result of having their body types constantly critiqued against some ridiculous and non-existent “norm”. Thankfully these ladies went on to have a great experience and gave their final performance their all and didn’t seem to lose their love for dance as a result. But it does make wonder what the lasting impact of those comments and frankly, the unsupportive training they received. You can see more of the experience I’m referring to here:

Contrast this to the experience of Ashley. Her tutor commented, “today was about seeing where she is, she has a way to go. I want her to figure out what sexy is to her. It’s not the same definition for everybody. I just want her to be confident as she’s such a f*****g sweet girl. It breaks my heart when people don’t have the confidence to do what they want to do.

In Ashley’s own words “…and then this magical moment happened where I looked in the mirror and I started to feel happy and I stopped caring about why and how…and then I would look in the mirror and think ‘I look good! I look sexy, this is crazy!‘”

Now, THIS is more like it! A true testament to what the right type of support and environment can lead to for someone to create deep transformation and lasting freedom all through being immersed in the right conditions:

When seeking the environments, teachers, coaches, mentors and any sort of relationship to help aid your transformation and growth, take the time to find the kind of support that will not only push you and often take you to places of discomfort but nurture and love you through the process. Your journey to creating an extraordinary life, excelling at a skill you’ve always desired or even creating freedom with your body does not have to feel like a scene from Whiplash! There are often far, far better ways. Take your time to seek out the right support: you’ll be so glad you did and your future self will thank you for it 🙏💖 xxx


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