A Note To Myself: I Love My Body

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Last Tuesday marked a very important moment in my life: the I Love My Body! group coaching programme began.

At the end of 2017, I could feel the stirrings of my desire to be of service in some way to this part of people’s lives.

February and March 2018 consisted of a lot of notes being scrawled and endless Post-it’s notes plastered around my room, about what this programme could be and what it could actually achieve.

This was followed by many conversations with those who could help me with this seemingly grand aim and desire.

These were all often followed by a lot of “Can I really do this?!”, “Is this for me to even begin trying to help people with?!” and even more “Really?! You *really* think you can do this?!” moments.

All of the above was followed by a “Yes! I absolutely *have* to do this!” and launching the programme into the world in July.

After this, there was no going back.

Curiosity about this programme grew, people’s interests were piqued, they reached out because they really wanted the help and to no longer feel like strangers in their own bodies.

This idea and concept was growing bigger than I had originally imagined.

And so last Tuesday, this idea was no longer that, it was no longer an idea in my head, a concept. It became a real, living thing. The I Love My Body! group coaching programme was alive.

But I Love My Body wasn’t created in the last few months I write about above. It was years in the making.

All those years I cried myself to sleep, hoping to not have to wake up in the morning and see another day because I hated the body I lived in.

All those years I rushed around looking at the ground as I walked in public so that I wouldn’t be seen.

All those trips spent going to the doctor’s trying to find some condition to label me with to explain this body.

All those years I missed out on swimming and enjoying the summer sun because I didn’t want to inflict my body on other people.

All those years my body cried out in pain as my skin became infected with a physical manifestation of what I was feeling inside.

That moment where the teenage me felt it appropriate to rip up a picture of 10 years old me because I hated the way I looked and was so embarrassed by it.

All those years that I hated being at that school and the me that I was in that picture. The me that felt like those years were the worst of my life and counted down every single day until I could get out of there.

All those intimate relationships in which I felt so self-conscious of my body that I didn’t quite know what to do, how to be and as a result, how to love.

All those years spent jumping out of the shower and past the mirror, not daring to look at myself until my body was fully clothed and as covered as possible.

All those years led to that moment, not all that long ago, when I did manage to take a look and I felt like I met myself for the first time.

All those years led to that moment where I first walked into my photoshoot and broke down in tears because I couldn’t quite believe I had finally reached such a point of freedom in my life.

All those years that led to that moment where I finally got to enjoy myself in an intimate relationship in a way I never had before and loved what I chose to share.

All those years led to the moments where I’ve stood in front of the dance studios mirrors and enjoyed watching myself dance without berating myself for what I see.

All those years led to the moment last Friday, where I sat with my dance teacher, almost having to pinch myself as I shared with her that it feels so surreal I’m at this point in my life: the point at which I am about to film a small performance of my journey with my body and at the point at which I’m now helping others create the freedom and love for *their* bodies, all because I managed to do it for myself.

All those years that keep leading me to the moments I experience now for which there are truly no words.

Apart from “thank you”.

Thank you to the me that chose not to give up no matter how hard and excruciating it felt at times. Your courage and unrelenting faith that things would get better and that there must be a light at the end of the tunnel led us to this point. For that, I am always in gratitude to you and I do this for you. Thank you for getting me here. I love you.

And thank you to the beautiful women who have chosen to walk with me from this point onwards. I am honoured and humbled that you have chosen to walk this beautiful path with me and I will endeavour to serve and support you in every way possible on your journeys. I love you all.

Let’s begin: freedom, love and joy await. xxx

As the I Love My Body! programme has now begun, if you would be interested in hearing more about when the Spring 2019 programme will open, please follow this link to register your interest so I am able to let you know as soon as more details become available.


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