Wow! 2 years today!
I can still remember this day so vividly, etched on my mind in a way only a few memories can.
I remember waking up in the morning with such a surreal feeling that this day had arrived. Nervously eating my final breakfast at my parents home for 2.5 months.
I remember Rashmi “telling me off” and saying she’s “not allowing me to go” as she delayed and delayed leaving home for work before finally having to say a teary goodbye.
I remember waving goodbye to Priya from her bedroom window as she drove off for work with a big smile on her face.
I remember having lunch with my parents before I had to go through security and waving goodbye to them all the way to the point that I could see them no more.
I remember realising at that point that I was really on my own from that moment on.
I remember having the realisation that I was actually doing this. I remember the excited, nervous energy as I let that sink in.
I remember all the calls and messages I spent time replying to as I waited for the minutes to count down to board the plane.
I remember taking this very picture!
The most vivid memory of all for me was getting on that plane. It w
as pretty empty one up until the first stop in Dubai. This was going to be one loooooong journey, so I planned to take full advantage of the 2 empty seats next to me for as long as I could.
Everyone had boarded. The doors were locked. We were beginning to taxi. There was no turning back.
THERE WAS NO TURNING BACK!
It finally dawned on me what was actually happening. My palms became clammy. I started to sweat that cold sweat t
hat only a few key situations induce. I could feel my heart racing, literally banging in my chest like it wanted to leap out of me. I started to clamour around. Frantically switching my gaze between the window next to me as we creeped ever closer to the runway and back to the air hostesses performing the safety checks.
WHAT THE F*** AM I DOING?!?!
I’ve just gone and left my 8-year career, the only thing I’ve known since leaving uni, for some whim, some random ‘calling’! In a few weeks I’ll receive my final payslip. I still have a mortgage to pay! I’m leaving my best friend during one of the most trying periods in her/our collective lives. I’m practically going to the other side of the world – why?! Simply because it’s been ‘calling’ me for the last 3 years! I only have a place to stay for the next 2 weeks. I’ve done next to NO research about what exactly I plan to do or achieve out there and I don’t actually know anyone. What?! Remind me why I’ve decided to do this again?!
Honestly I’d never quite known fear like what I experienced that day. I was on the edge of my seat ready to run to the hostess and ask her if I could get off the plane. I felt utterly sick! But I knew I couldn’t realistically do that short of telling them that I think dying!
The only thing I could do in that moment was just breathe. As deeply as I could, accept the decision I had made and just know that I’d be alright and I’d work it all out along the way. I remember re-reading the prayer my sister had sent me once I reached the airport one last time before I had to switch it off.
I remember thinking the only thing that could soothe me was to look for a lighthearted film to watch so that I could get lost in another world for a few hours. I chose ‘The Intern’. And then my 2.5 month long adventure began.
I remember fondly that this was and still is one of the BEST decisions I have ever made. Life has never been the same since and I’m so glad. I grew in ways I never could have imagined. I was challenged in a ways I could never have imagined. I learned fear. I learned courage. I learned not having a plan is fantastic! I found beauty. Opened my heart in new ways. Found new family and reconnected with the old. I found peace. I found adventure. I found excitement. I found stars and my next steps. I found more than I could ever have imagined. Life has never been the same
Love. Light. Miracles xxx